blogging

Dang, it's after 1 AM and I have to get up in a few hours. I'm always running out of time for this blogging thing and to be honest, I don't really even know how. I'm not a writer so I kind of freak out when I have to write...or find something else to do.
The fear of the pen? I don't know. I made it all through school without ever taking a book home. I had a 3.83 with the extra curriculum of the SCPA. My wood shop teacher messed up my straight A's with a B+. He was the football coach. All the football players took the class just so they could pass something. I took it because I wanted to build something. I did, many things that my mom still has and use today.
I don't know how I got on this subject but mentioning school and my grades reminded me of an event that I have never publicly talked about. This right here will be the first time. What I experienced in high school (and maybe some other times in my life reserved for another blog) directly relates to how I am being treated today. I was an over achiever, great in sports, music, art, grades, scholarship offers all over, including IVY league, numerous letters from the Wash DC and even some local politicians that are in office today. I was actually pretty much a local star even though I was oblivious to that fact at the time. People to this day will recognize me from my sports in the past... LOL Anyway, how does this relate to my life today? Well, through no fault of my own, people have always liked to look at me more than some other people so that caused friction with certain people that were not as blessed and talented in the areas I was. I was one of those innocent naive little girls who trusted everyone, made it to sweet 16 in fact even then I was afraid to hold my boyfriends hand. I didn't date until I had a sweet boyfriend my junior year. He was also very active in sports. During the summer before my senior year I was invited to a party by some of our friends. His house was also next to my best friends house, Cecelia. It was summer, we were at a party, we drank liquor and some went over board. I was one of those people who went over board. I was always the good girl so I did not know my limit, or even if there was one. Liquor was running low and we were hungry so some of the guys said they were leaving to go pick up some beer. Unbeknownst to me, they had a different plan. I had drank so much that my head was spinning. I asked for a place to lie down. The host of the party took me to a room where I could rest a while. After he showed me to his room, they (not mentioning names yet) said good bye to everyone on their way to get beer and walked out the front door. I was so comfortable finally. My head was at rest. Then I woke up to 5 naked boys in my room who had come through the window of the room in which they put me in. Some of them had their way with me as they made held the door closed and made sure I could not scream. I could hardly move at all.
After a few took their turns the door was left unattended so a cheerleader was able to force her way in to see what the commotion was. She walked right in while they were having their way and cut things a bit short for the last boy. However the struggles for one endured a lifetime.
She called for help and the got me to my friends house safely. My boyfriend was not there because we were having problems, mostly my fault. Of course they were all on the same all CIF championship team and the coaches were also in the administration.
Life was hell for me my senior year. My friends had just gang raped me, my other friends were too afraid to testify against their friends and we had to protect the team since they were all star players. Of course it gave me a free pass to get to school whenever I wanted instead of keep up the almost perfect attendance I had my entire life. I sometimes wouldn't make it to school till the 2nd or 3rd period. I didn't have Saturday school or detention because of it, the football coach was the man in charge of that. I was pretty much invisible my senior year and of course no one wanted to really talk to me because their popular friends didn't like that. You can't stand up for the victim! You have to be here with the big popular crowd. I feel like I'm reliving that same painful experience all over again.
Fast forward a few years...I had blown out my knee so I dropped out of college, dabbled in the entertainment industry while one of the most famous perpetrators was at school on a football scholarship. He did very well and was drafted to the NFL. After a few years of fine athletic performance he got an amazing offer to play in what used to be American's finest city. He is also a known celebrity and icon to children who speaks a lot in the community to children.
I sometimes wonder where's the justice. Instead of going through any more trauma after that incident and doing what I should have done, which was go through the effort to convict these criminals despite the efforts against me, I decided that karma would take care of it, or the Lord, or something...
He was recently complaining about only making 8 million a year to do what he loves to do!
Here I am once again in that very same place. I was ostracized back then and ganged up on by the good old boys in power. I did not have the will to fight back then. History is repeating itself for a reason.
I will do whatever I can to prevent someone else from going through this same pain.
Believe it or not, another celebrity tried to do the same thing in high school, but my friends did help me that time. I had never sought revenge or to hurt them, but I wonder why people like that succeed but people like me keep getting beat down? Why is it so easy to protect the perpetrator of these criminal acts and berate the victim?
If I'm able to teach others through my mistakes, it was all worth while. Remaining silent is not an option. I've been a punching bag most of my life as I am very sensitive and trusting. I have experienced a lot of evil and might share some more in another blog.
I have to ask myself why am I here again? Well, because I didn't do it right the last time. I have constantly willingly been a door mat for many abusers. I have been beat into submission many times and will not any more.
You people do not scare me and you will not win. The truth will always prevail and even if I'm the only one brave enough to profess it I will make sure it gets out.
That last statement was directed at all those who have sought to harm me in the last year.
One good thing about the high school story is that about 5 years ago I was visiting here and hung out with some old friends that were well aware of the situation, in fact so well aware that I ended up going out to dinner and drinks with one of the organizers of the gang rape. He was brave enough to tell me all about it, including the plans and things I didn't know previously and apologize for his actions. We had a great time, cried a little and laughed a little. I thank him for being brave enough to stand up and do the right thing. I'm sure if I had lived here it would have happened sooner. I told him I forgive him and dropped him off.
How the heck did I get on this subject just talking about how I can't write?
Well, I really can't, but I can type my feelings and experiences in a blog now.
I say these things and stand in the face of the enemy as I do in hopes that it will encourage others to do the same.
Always stand up for what is right. Maybe the sheeple won't appreciate it, but the Father will.
Amen.
Good night!